I don't know about you guys, but I'm all for finding new and interesting ways to waste time at work...especially on Fridays. So I was super pleased when a friend of mine introduced me to Jennsylvania, a blog by writer Jen Lancaster. Jen's also written a couple of books (which I will be running to Barnes & Noble today during my lunch break to purchase), and the titles alone should give you a pretty good idea of her fabulously snarky and cynical-but-hilarious style:
Bitter is the New Black: Confessions of a Condescending, Egomaniacal, Self-Centered Smartass, or Why You Should Never Carry a Prada Bag to the Unemployment Office
and
Bright Lights, Big Ass: A Self-Indulgent, Surly Ex-Sorority Girl's Guide to Why It Often Sucks In the City, or Who Are These Idiots and Why Do They Live Next Door to Me?
I KNOW! Sounds hilarious, right? And although I haven't read either (YET), I feel confident in recommending both judging solely on the hilarity of her blog. So go buy them now, and read them both before May when her third book, "Pretty Fat: One Narcissist's Quest to Find Out if Her Life Makes Her Ass Look Big, or Why Pie is Not the Answer," will be released.
(Hey, T! Now maybe you can give up on your obsession with that Celiac Disease blog! ;)
1.14.2008
Thank you, Dr. Phil
"So, you're here with a bachelorette party, huh?"
"Yep..."
"Yours?"
(Laughs hysterically) "Oh, you're serious. No, not mine."
"You don't want to get married?"
"I'm not sure."
"Well it's a proven fact that most girls start thinking about marriage at age 25."
"OK...."
"I was a psychology major."
"Really..."
"Yeah. So if you're not thinking about marriage by now, you're in the minority. You're weird."
Thank you, random guy. Thank you for psycho-analyzing me -- Pioneer Square is your office, a rickety barstool your couch and me, your unsuspecting target.
"Yep..."
"Yours?"
(Laughs hysterically) "Oh, you're serious. No, not mine."
"You don't want to get married?"
"I'm not sure."
"Well it's a proven fact that most girls start thinking about marriage at age 25."
"OK...."
"I was a psychology major."
"Really..."
"Yeah. So if you're not thinking about marriage by now, you're in the minority. You're weird."
Thank you, random guy. Thank you for psycho-analyzing me -- Pioneer Square is your office, a rickety barstool your couch and me, your unsuspecting target.
1.07.2008
Attention guys: CHOOSE your words carefully...
I'll start this by saying that my sister is much nicer than I am. Maybe "nicer" isn't the right word, but she's definitely much less cynical and judgmental. And I envy that in her. So when she gets a call on Saturday night from a guy she met months ago and never went out with but occasionally text messages (I don't even think they've talked on the phone), she answers and invites him to meet us at Pesos, even though she knew there was no potential with him. I think she just didn't know what to say, and "Yeah, you should meet up with us," was the first thing that came to mind.
So a few hours later, he's shown up...ALONE...and she's busy entertaining him because he's socially awkward and unwilling to make conversation with anyone else. (See? There's that judgmentalness coming out.) At some point during the night, he asks her my least favorite question to be asked by a guy: "So why don't you have a boyfriend?"
"Why do you ask?" she says.
He answers, "I'm just surprised no one has chosen you yet."
Chosen. Chosen?! CHOSEN?
That word struck both my sister and me as a ridiculously terrible choice. Like he was implying that if she was lucky enough to be "chosen" by anyone, she would immediately succumb to him. Like she's just one item in a catalog of women. Like you could choose her like you'd choose a good piece of steak. (Aaaand here's the cynicism...) Ugh. Realistically, I know that really wasn't what he was implying. I realize that he just chose the wrong word. But either way, it was a dealbreaker for my sister.
So let this be a lesson for all you guys out there: Make sure you choose your words carefully when asking a girl about her current single status. More often than not, it's a touchy subject.
So a few hours later, he's shown up...ALONE...and she's busy entertaining him because he's socially awkward and unwilling to make conversation with anyone else. (See? There's that judgmentalness coming out.) At some point during the night, he asks her my least favorite question to be asked by a guy: "So why don't you have a boyfriend?"
"Why do you ask?" she says.
He answers, "I'm just surprised no one has chosen you yet."
Chosen. Chosen?! CHOSEN?
That word struck both my sister and me as a ridiculously terrible choice. Like he was implying that if she was lucky enough to be "chosen" by anyone, she would immediately succumb to him. Like she's just one item in a catalog of women. Like you could choose her like you'd choose a good piece of steak. (Aaaand here's the cynicism...) Ugh. Realistically, I know that really wasn't what he was implying. I realize that he just chose the wrong word. But either way, it was a dealbreaker for my sister.
So let this be a lesson for all you guys out there: Make sure you choose your words carefully when asking a girl about her current single status. More often than not, it's a touchy subject.
12.14.2007
See and be seen
Citysearch.com posted a list of the top 10 new restaurants and bars in Seattle today. Now I consider myself somewhat of a girl about town -- I made it a personal rule at the beginning of this year to avoid eating a chain restaurants whenever possible in favor of local, more unique choices -- but I am ashamed to admit that I've only been to ONE place on both lists combined. (And it's the TapHouse Grill, which is more of a restaurant. And I've only been to the one in Bellevue...so I don't think that really counts. Anyway...)
I know, right?! Crazy.
So, to use a very cliched and cheesy Christmas metaphore ('tis the season, right?), I've made my list -- or, rather, let Citysearch do it for me -- and I'll be checking it not twice, but multiple times until I've made my way through both. (Yes, I'll even vow to make it to Georgetown, even thought that neighborhood's not really my thing...)
If you're curious (and too lazy to click on the link above), here they are:
Top 10 New Restaurants:
I know, right?! Crazy.
So, to use a very cliched and cheesy Christmas metaphore ('tis the season, right?), I've made my list -- or, rather, let Citysearch do it for me -- and I'll be checking it not twice, but multiple times until I've made my way through both. (Yes, I'll even vow to make it to Georgetown, even thought that neighborhood's not really my thing...)
If you're curious (and too lazy to click on the link above), here they are:
Top 10 New Restaurants:
- Cafe Presse
- Tavolata
- Steelhead Diner
- Volunteer Park Cafe and Marketplace
- Matt's in the Market
- Osteria la Spiga
- Betty Restaurant and Bar
- Calamity Jane's
- TASTE Restaurant
- Skillet Street Food
12.13.2007
Huh
I recently returned from my company's bi-annual, two-day, agency-wide meeting in San Jose (more hyphenated words, anyone?), which -- in addition to actual work -- involves a lot of drinking and, consequently, not a lot of sleeping. So you'll have to excuse me if I sound a little off my rocker.
Anyway, at this meeting, we participated in a leadership activity that consisted of creating a "Leadership Map" with paints, markers and magazine pages. For me, this was AWESOME because it really brought me back to my high school days of making countless magazine collages for myself and my best friend, which we would then slide into the front of our binders. Not sure if this is normal, but we thought it was super cool and fun at the time. But I digress... So on this Leadership Map, we had to fill in four quadrants: What is Calling Me? (where do I want to go in life), What is My Growth Plan? (how do I get there), What Energizes Me? and What Strengths Do I Bring To the Table? After we had completed our maps, we had to share them with the rest of the company, talking about what each image represented.
So I set out browsing magazines, clipping out pictures of politicians (to represent my leadership skills and interest in politics), important-looking women execs (to represent my desire to succeed in my career), exotic locations (to represent my love of travel) and Justin Timberlake (he's hot -- had to squeeze him in there somehow). When it came time to share our creations with the group, I was surprised to find that every woman in the company had included something about getting married or continuing to build the marriage they already have -- their What's Calling Me section was full of images of happy couples, women in wedding dresses and the like. And not once did my map ever even hint at the possibility of "settling down" or "finding love."
It's not that I don't want to do/find those things, but -- and I can honestly say this -- the thought of including something like that never ever even crossed my mind. And for the two days since, I've been wondering why. Is it because I focused on my goals/hopes/dreams in terms of my professional, not personal, life? (This isn't entirely true, because I included other personal goals such as travel, buying a house, moving to a large city...) Is it because I was thinking more in the short term than the long term? Because I was trying to impress the big guns with my drive to succeed?
I still have no idea why, when I think of what I want to be in the future, a Mrs. isn't included anywhere on the list. I do think I want to get married, but I'll be the first to admit that it isn't as high on my list of wants as it might be on some others'. Maybe that's it. Maybe I feel like I have too much I still want to do with my independence before I settle down. Maybe I'm scared of letting a relationship define who I am before I figure out who I am on my own.
Maybe...maybe...maybe... Just add it to my long list of self-reflection points, issues and other emotional crap I'm fully intending on sorting through some day.
Anyway, at this meeting, we participated in a leadership activity that consisted of creating a "Leadership Map" with paints, markers and magazine pages. For me, this was AWESOME because it really brought me back to my high school days of making countless magazine collages for myself and my best friend, which we would then slide into the front of our binders. Not sure if this is normal, but we thought it was super cool and fun at the time. But I digress... So on this Leadership Map, we had to fill in four quadrants: What is Calling Me? (where do I want to go in life), What is My Growth Plan? (how do I get there), What Energizes Me? and What Strengths Do I Bring To the Table? After we had completed our maps, we had to share them with the rest of the company, talking about what each image represented.
So I set out browsing magazines, clipping out pictures of politicians (to represent my leadership skills and interest in politics), important-looking women execs (to represent my desire to succeed in my career), exotic locations (to represent my love of travel) and Justin Timberlake (he's hot -- had to squeeze him in there somehow). When it came time to share our creations with the group, I was surprised to find that every woman in the company had included something about getting married or continuing to build the marriage they already have -- their What's Calling Me section was full of images of happy couples, women in wedding dresses and the like. And not once did my map ever even hint at the possibility of "settling down" or "finding love."
It's not that I don't want to do/find those things, but -- and I can honestly say this -- the thought of including something like that never ever even crossed my mind. And for the two days since, I've been wondering why. Is it because I focused on my goals/hopes/dreams in terms of my professional, not personal, life? (This isn't entirely true, because I included other personal goals such as travel, buying a house, moving to a large city...) Is it because I was thinking more in the short term than the long term? Because I was trying to impress the big guns with my drive to succeed?
I still have no idea why, when I think of what I want to be in the future, a Mrs. isn't included anywhere on the list. I do think I want to get married, but I'll be the first to admit that it isn't as high on my list of wants as it might be on some others'. Maybe that's it. Maybe I feel like I have too much I still want to do with my independence before I settle down. Maybe I'm scared of letting a relationship define who I am before I figure out who I am on my own.
Maybe...maybe...maybe... Just add it to my long list of self-reflection points, issues and other emotional crap I'm fully intending on sorting through some day.
11.30.2007
Ouch
It's party season, people. And although some of them have been on my calendar for months (see you this weekend, girls!), some are still trickling in. I got a message from a friend from college the other day inviting me to a Christmas party that he and his girlfriend are throwing at their new apartment. Nothing formal, just a few people who graduated from the same program. Sounds good, huh?
Here's what the guest list looked like:
-- Cute newlywed couple #1
-- Getting-married-any-time-now Couple
-- Cute newlywed couple #2
-- Been-together-as-long-as-anyone-can-remember Couple
-- Me
Niiiice.
Don't get me wrong, I'm totally used to being the only single one when I get together with my friends, but something about seeing it all written out for me kinda stung.
Here's what the guest list looked like:
-- Cute newlywed couple #1
-- Getting-married-any-time-now Couple
-- Cute newlywed couple #2
-- Been-together-as-long-as-anyone-can-remember Couple
-- Me
Niiiice.
Don't get me wrong, I'm totally used to being the only single one when I get together with my friends, but something about seeing it all written out for me kinda stung.
11.26.2007
Miss Independent
I'll be the first to admit that, being a perennial dater, I'm not technically qualified to pass judgment on "serious relationships" or those who are in "serious relationships." But as more and more people around me settle into them, I find myself wondering what I'd be like in a serious relationship. If I'd be able to maintain a balance between being in a relationship and keeping the independence of I have now.
I think that some girls have a hard time finding that happy medium between the "With him every minute, I'll die if I go a day (or an hour...) without talking to him" and the "Boyfriend? Who needs him?" Does being in a serious relationship mean you lose the independence you had when you were single? The ability to run your own errands, take care of your own oil changes, pay for your own meals? I think there's something to be said for a girl who can take care of herself. Financially support herself. Kill her own spiders and change her own headlight. In fact, these are all things that I personally pride myself on. And things that I hope I wouldn't sacrifice, abandon or lose sight of in a relationship.
I have this reoccurring dream about my wedding day. The details usually change, but the gist of it stays the same: In each dream, the thought of actually going through with the wedding fills me with dread. I kid you not -- dread. Yeah, I have issues. I'm admittedly commitment-phobic. But, in the dreams, that's not where the dread comes from. The dread comes from the thought of giving up my independence, my alone time, my girl time, like I've seen so many other girls do.
My sister told me the other day that she doesn't "really ever see me getting married," and perhaps this is why. I know there's such a thing being too independent. But I've never been one to change who I am for anyone. And it that case, single (and INDEPENDENT...and FABULOUS!) is a-okay by me.
I think that some girls have a hard time finding that happy medium between the "With him every minute, I'll die if I go a day (or an hour...) without talking to him" and the "Boyfriend? Who needs him?" Does being in a serious relationship mean you lose the independence you had when you were single? The ability to run your own errands, take care of your own oil changes, pay for your own meals? I think there's something to be said for a girl who can take care of herself. Financially support herself. Kill her own spiders and change her own headlight. In fact, these are all things that I personally pride myself on. And things that I hope I wouldn't sacrifice, abandon or lose sight of in a relationship.
I have this reoccurring dream about my wedding day. The details usually change, but the gist of it stays the same: In each dream, the thought of actually going through with the wedding fills me with dread. I kid you not -- dread. Yeah, I have issues. I'm admittedly commitment-phobic. But, in the dreams, that's not where the dread comes from. The dread comes from the thought of giving up my independence, my alone time, my girl time, like I've seen so many other girls do.
My sister told me the other day that she doesn't "really ever see me getting married," and perhaps this is why. I know there's such a thing being too independent. But I've never been one to change who I am for anyone. And it that case, single (and INDEPENDENT...and FABULOUS!) is a-okay by me.
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