I'll be the first to admit that, being a perennial dater, I'm not technically qualified to pass judgment on "serious relationships" or those who are in "serious relationships." But as more and more people around me settle into them, I find myself wondering what I'd be like in a serious relationship. If I'd be able to maintain a balance between being in a relationship and keeping the independence of I have now.
I think that some girls have a hard time finding that happy medium between the "With him every minute, I'll die if I go a day (or an hour...) without talking to him" and the "Boyfriend? Who needs him?" Does being in a serious relationship mean you lose the independence you had when you were single? The ability to run your own errands, take care of your own oil changes, pay for your own meals? I think there's something to be said for a girl who can take care of herself. Financially support herself. Kill her own spiders and change her own headlight. In fact, these are all things that I personally pride myself on. And things that I hope I wouldn't sacrifice, abandon or lose sight of in a relationship.
I have this reoccurring dream about my wedding day. The details usually change, but the gist of it stays the same: In each dream, the thought of actually going through with the wedding fills me with dread. I kid you not -- dread. Yeah, I have issues. I'm admittedly commitment-phobic. But, in the dreams, that's not where the dread comes from. The dread comes from the thought of giving up my independence, my alone time, my girl time, like I've seen so many other girls do.
My sister told me the other day that she doesn't "really ever see me getting married," and perhaps this is why. I know there's such a thing being too independent. But I've never been one to change who I am for anyone. And it that case, single (and INDEPENDENT...and FABULOUS!) is a-okay by me.
this is me
words to live by
Everything happens for a reason
"As a single woman, my life is unpredictable. I can go out any night of the week, and who knows what will happen to me by the end of the evening. It is not inconceivable that my life will change dramatically by the end of the day. With a boyfriend, however, you pretty much know what will happen to you by the end of the evening, which will be lovely but will not hold too many surprises" -- Emma Gold
"Develop an attitude of gratitude, and give thanks for everything that happens to you, knowing that every step forward is a step toward achieving something bigger and better than your current situation."
"As a single woman, my life is unpredictable. I can go out any night of the week, and who knows what will happen to me by the end of the evening. It is not inconceivable that my life will change dramatically by the end of the day. With a boyfriend, however, you pretty much know what will happen to you by the end of the evening, which will be lovely but will not hold too many surprises" -- Emma Gold
"Develop an attitude of gratitude, and give thanks for everything that happens to you, knowing that every step forward is a step toward achieving something bigger and better than your current situation."
3 comments:
I'm going to be the first of your friends to comment on your blog!
I think you make some good points here. Every girl is different and maintains a certain level of independence prior to any said serious relationship. I think for me, personally, I've never been a super independent person to begin with. While I love the occasional evening alone to read my book, I prefer being surrounded by people, and that person, most often, ends up being the boyfriend.
The more I think about it, the more I realize I'm somewhat of an odd creature. I don't like to be alone too much, but at the same time I am incredibly independent when it comes to my feelings.
I have a bad habit of keeping things to myself and only talking about issues after I've had one too many glasses of wine and it all comes bubbling up. As much time as I spend with my boyfriend, I still remain just as closed up about certain things. I guess that's just one thing about myself I need to work on....
and FYI, I take care of my own spiders and I know how to change a tire :)
Oh my god, I have the same dream except my wedding dream involves me getting to the altar and having that feeling of dread in the pit of my stomach. It's that feeling that I somehow KNOW I shouldn't be marrying the guy. That can't be right...
I can understand your issue, Katie, as I've been through the pretty similar thing.
One thing I've learned, is that most guys (and even girls) I know have been apparently kinda afraid and intimated because of my sort of independence. And I'm learning to need people once or twice now.
And yes, it's a bit hard to just realease the independence you have. Takes process. Though I'm in a relationship with a guy now, it's still awkward sometimes that I have to remember to beeing a bit needy just to let him know that I do appreciate him. But interesting process, that is.
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